


I look at you to see the truth

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: (I think?), Ambiguity, Complicated Relationships, Feels, Friendship/Love, How Do I Tag, M/M, No Angst, Not Beta Read, Okay so there might be a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-11-02 03:22:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Yuzuru doesn't know what to say, even though he was waiting so long for that, to have a possibility to talk with Javi before... before he will leave for good. It was hard, these months without Javi, but it's even harder now; because it's good, it's so good, with Javi's laughter filling the air, with his eyes looking at Yuzuru with the same softness as always. But Yuzuru can't stop thinking that Javi will leave, he will leave in three days, and he won't have any reason to come back, ever.





	I look at you to see the truth

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick something I found in my folder and thought I'd share!   
It's set in the beginning of 2019, just before Javi leaves for Europeans.  
Hope you enjoy!

Yuzuru's throat is itching, so he takes a sip of water, and the another one, and one more, and he winces with frustration when it doesn't help at all. He doesn't even know what is he doing here, when his practice ended almost an hour before, and he should be at home, resting and relaxing. But no, for some reason he texted his mom that he would come back home by himself, and now he's sitting here, on one of these comfortable armchairs in the lobby, his heart picking up everytime he hears footsteps approaching.

Pathetic, kind of.

Yuzuru chews on his bottom lip, looking down at his phone, but he doesn't even know what to do with it, his fingers feeling weird, stiff and a bit sweaty. Seriously, he should just leave, becaue what is he waiting for? He's being ridiculous, that's what, ridiculous and pathetic, and he-

"Hey, what are you doing here? You ended ages ago."

Yuzuru looks up so quickly something in his neck cracks a bit, but he doesn't care. He can only stare at Javi's face, at his warm, a bit confused smile, and he feels his cheeks getting hot. He can't tell Javi that he's sitting here like an idiot because he wants to... he wants...

"Mom is late." he mutters and Javi tilts his head a little, his expression turning thoughtful.

"Well I can wait with you!" he announces cheerfully and Yuzuru doesn't know if he's happy about it or if he wants to run away. He opens his mouth and closes them, silently watching Javi sitting down next to him.

He doesn't know what to say, even though he was waiting so long for that, to have a possibility to talk with Javi before... before he will leave for good. It was hard, these months without Javi, but it's even harder now; because it's good, it's so good, with Javi's laughter filling the air, with his eyes looking at Yuzuru with the same softness as always. But Yuzuru can't stop thinking that Javi will leave, he will leave in three days, and he won't have any reason to come back, ever.

Javi clears his throat and Yuzuru's head snaps to look at him, and he regrets it instantly, because Javi is smiling at him tenderly, and Yuzuru can't help but think about all the times Javi smiled at him like that, and his throat is itching even more.

"You look worried." Javi says with care in his voice "I'm sure your mom will be here soon."

Yuzuru blinks, not really understanding at firts, and then he gasps quietly, feeling himself blushing.

"She, uh, she won't come." he mutters miserably and Javi frowns "I told her I will walk home."

"Oh. Okay, but-" Javi starts, but then something flickers in his eyes and his smile dims a little "Oh."

Yuzuru swallows hard and looks down at his hands, cursing himself mentally for being so damn awkward. He can tell that Javi is confused, because during the past years Yuzuru never showed any interest in spending time together outside the rink, and it's clear that Javi doesn't know what to think about the fact that Yuzuru was waiting for him for an hour.

Yuzuru isn't even sure why is he doing that. What is he going to say? What does he want to say? Does he want to tell Javi how much he means to him? How much he is going to miss him? That sometimes he wonders if maybe, if they were someone else-

"Hey." Javi mutters softly, and Yuzuru almost squeals when Javi takes his hand, squeezing it gently "Do you want me to walk you home?"

Yuzuru gathers enough courage to look up at him, and he is relieved to see that Javi is smiling again, warm and gentle, and his thumb is brushing over Yuzuru's knuckles in a comforting gesture.

Yuzuru nods slowly and Javi's smile widens. He lets go of Yuzuru's hand as they stand up and put their jackets on, and Yuzuru's skin is still tingling as they walk outside. It's getting dark, and it's snowing a little, a few snowflakes dancing in the chilly air.

"Okay." Javi chuckles, and Yuzuru notices that he's not wearing gloves "Lead the way."

"It's, um, about... half an hour." Yuzuru says and Javi shrugs, tilting his head a little.

"Don't worry, I like walking. And it's nice, to walk around Toronto. Will make it harder to forget."

His tone is light, but his words feel like stabs to Yuzuru's poor heart. But he only nods and they start walking, silent, side by side. Yuzuru feels a bit awkward, words swirling in his head but never leaving the tip of his tongue, and he is slowly accepting the fact that he is too much of a coward to say anything. Because in the end, would it change anything? They haven't really talked seriously for the past few years, why changing it now?

"How are you feeling, Yuzu?" Javi's voice cuts through Yuzuru's thoughts and he flinches, surprised, but collects himself quickly.

"Good. I'm okay, thank you. You?" he babbles and Javi chuckles, shaking his head fondly.

"I'm okay. A bit tired, but the jumps are back, so I'm feeling positive."

"You will do great. As always." Yuzuru says and Javi chuckles again.

"Well thank you. I will try my best."

They fall in the silence again, but now it feels easier, and Yuzuru feels like he can breathe normally again; he inhales deeply, cold air swirling in his nose, and he thinks that it's not so bad, in the end, and it's enough, to just walk by Javi's side and thinking about the words he will never voice.

And it's not like they won't meet ever again. They will see each other tomorrow, and then during some shows for sure. It's not like Yuzuru needs to say goodbye, for ever.

He regrets it, when they reach his house, and for a split second he considers walking by and pretending it's not here, just to spend some more time with Javi. But Javi probably has things to do, clothes to pack, other people to meet, and maybe he doesn't want to spend so much time with Yuzuru, not now, not when everything is ending.

"It's here." he says quietly, stopping next to the gate to their small garden that his mom likes so much "Thank you, uh, for walking."

"It's not a problem." Javi says, and Yuzuru notices some snowflakes on his glasses and in his hair, shining in the yellow light of a lantern "But Yuzu-" he cuts himself off, sighing quietly, and Yuzuru's heart drops.

"Yeah?" he presses anxiously, and Javi sighs again, and then smiles.

"Nothing. It's just... it's nice. To hang out."

His voice is gentle and smile tender, and Yuzuru feels blood rushing to his head, and he has no idea what he's doing until he leans forward, closer and closer, until Javi inhales sharply and puts a hand on his shoulder. He's not pushing Yuzuru away, but his grip is firm and that makes Yuzuru snap out of his sudden daze, and he can see Javi's eyes, dark and wide and surprised, and he curses himself mentally for being so damn stupid.

"I'm sorry." he mutters, his lips dry and cheeks burning "I'm sorry, I don't-" he stops, because he doesn't want to lie, not to Javi, not about these complicated feelings he doesn't even understand himself.

He half expects Javi to pull back and walk away, but that doesn't happen. Instead, Javi swallows hard and he moves his hand to cup Yuzuru's cheek, his hand soothingly cold against Yuzuru's hot skin.

"You have really bad timing, Yuzu." he says softly, and Yuzuru can't even begin to think what it means.

"I know." he mumbles, because he's an idiot who tries to kiss a guy in a happy relationship, and not some random guy. It's Javi, his training mate, his companion, almost friend, and someone Yuzuru has so many complicated feelings for.

"I'm sorry." he whispers miserably, and Javi's expression shifts, and he takes a deep breath, as if he is making a decision.

And then, he grabs Yuzuru's chin with gentle fingers, forcing him to tilt his head a little.

And then, he moves.

It's chaste and soft, just lips brushing against lips, but when Javi draws back a few seconds later, Yuzuru feels like his head is spinning. Javi is still smiling, even more gentle than before, and then brushes Yuzuru's hair away with a tender gesture, before leaning in again and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"I will see you tomorrow, yeah?" he whispers against Yuzuru's hair and Yuzuru just nods, unable to form any coherent sounds, his heart beating so fast it might jump out of his chest.

"Okay." Javi laughs, taking a step back "So... sleep well, Yuzu."

"I will." Yuzuru mumbles and Javi laughs again, bright and loud, and the sound is so warm Yuzuru has to smile, wide and honest "And if you're ever in Toronto, after... call me."

Javi's expression softens as he nods, and his smile is warmer than the sun itself.

"I will."

(When five minutes later Yuzuru walks into the house he's smiling so widely his mom gives him a suspicious glance, tilting her head a little.

"You took long." she says and he shrugs, feeling weightless.

"I was with Javi." he simply says and her expression morphs into confusion for a moment, and then, she smiles.

"Well I hope you had a good time, then."

"I did." Yuzuru nods, and he has never felt warmer "I really did.")

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Or maybe hate it? Don't hesitate to scream at me in the comments, and thank you for reading!


End file.
